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Tips for Surviving the coming Zombie Apocalypse as a CORPSE!

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Enough with all the tips on how to survive the coming zombie apocalypse as a living person with all their petty concerns like food, shelter, and reproduction.  The easiest way to survive is to become a zombie!  Odds are, based on all prior zombie apocalypses, zombies outnumber the living by about a 100 to 1 margin, you should plan on how to survive the wrath of the dwindling living once the inevitable happens to you… when you’ve run out of ammo, your chain saw has jammed, and your girlfriend freaked out and took off without you in that 1970’s model pickup truck you acquired at that old farmhouse last night, and you’re cornered, in the basement, by 11 zombies, with 30 more shuffling in through the cellar door all chanting “brains! brains! brains!”.  Face it:  You’re toast!

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So, why not make the most of it?  Good news!  You’re virtually immortal and probably impervious to pain!  There are only a few things that can kill you dead now:

  • Decapitation
  • A bullet to the head.
  • Dismemberment via a chain saw.
  • Getting plowed over by a very large and heavy vehicle.
  • Flame thrower.
  • Meat grinder.

Short of that, you’ve got nothing to worry about.  No longer are you concerned with things like food, shelter, repopulating the human race, running and hiding, brushing your teeth, grooming, personal hygiene, or even your own health.  Congratulations!  You’re now part of the majority!

But, there are a few survival tips you’ll need, even for the dead, in order to wonder aimlessly until your rotting corpse turns to dust.

  1. Never be the first zombie to walk in a house with the living in it.
  2. Never wonder near the living alone.  There’s safety in numbers.
  3. When you’re approaching a farmhouse after dark and you hear screaming and gunshots, wait for someone to shout “I’m out of ammo Jed!”.
  4. Still wait.  There’s usually a spectacular explosion or some kind of massive last resort.  Once you hear those two events, waltz on in with the others and feast on those delicious brains!
  5. NEVER and I mean NEVER walk within 50 yards of a gas pump!  NEVER!
  6. Don’t try to eat the brains of either member of a good-looking, young couple.  You’re just asking for trouble.  They seem to always find a way out and leave behind a trail of your brethren.
  7. When the psycho red-neck with all the guns, flame thrower, and cigarette dangling from his lower lip starts going berserk-o on a zombie killing spree, play be stay dead.  Don’t move!  Just lie there until his rampage ends.  He’ll usually be standing in the middle of a group of you when he runs out of ammo.  When that happens, go in for the kill.  It’ll only be a light snack though.  They usually have very little brains.
  8. Gather duct tape whenever you run across it.  You’ll need it to attach your arms back on.  They’ll have a tendency to keep falling off once you’re a corpse.
  9. If all you’re really after is brains, why not eat the brains of your fellow zombies?  Remember, it’s every zombie for himself.  There’s no written rule that says zombies CAN’T eat each other’s brains!  Times are tough.  Make the most of your limited resources.
  10. Lastly, go for the cowards that are also jerks.  They’re like low hanging fruit!  You can pick them off easily and the living won’t really mind.

So, there you have it.  Think out of the box and avoid those chainsaws!  Good look!

Or, as a last resort…

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How to Stop SPAM: Advanced Tips

For BASIC tips on stopping Spam, read this article:

For expert tips on stopping spam, read this article:

image The best way to control spam, in addition to the basic practices here, is to have an unlimited supply of E-Mail addresses.  If you have a G-Mail account, you have that.  If you DON’T have a GMail account, I suggest you get one, pronto at http://gmail.com.

Once you have a GMail account, I recommend to NEVER give out that address.  If you already have a gmail account, you’ve almost certainly given it out. Sign up for a NEW account.  DO NOT give out this address to ANYONE.

From this point forward, you can make up new e-mail addresses on the fly.  For example, say your e-mail address is me@gmail.com.  Did you know that you can receive e-mail sent to me+whatever@gmail.com, or me+SomethingIMadeUp@gmail.com or anything else, as long as it starts with “me+” and ends with “@gmail.com”.  You don’t have to do anything at all to set this up.  It just works and you have an unlimited number of addresses.

So, the next part should be pretty obvious already, but just in case you didn’t catch on to what I’m about to suggest, here it is:

Whenever anyone asks for your e-mail address, make up a new one on the spot.  Suppose you have a friend named John Smith.  You would give him me+john.smith@gmail.com (or something to let you know, when you receive the e-mail, that it’s the address you gave to John Smith).  Whenever you go to a web site that needs your e-mail address, you can enter a new, unique e-mail address that ONLY that web site knows.  For example, say you’re going to www.PossibleScamSite.scam.  You could give them the e-mail address me+possiblescamsite.scam@gmail.com.  I also recommend added a few extra characters that no one could guess like me+PossibleScamSite.junk@gmail.com.  This way, no one can guess it.

Now, why should you not give out the primary address of me@gmail.com?  Because scammers can look at your address with the plus sign (+) in it and knowing how GMail works, can guess that your real address is me@gmail.com.  You should assume that this WILL happen.

Now, whenever you get e-mail, you can look at the TO address, and know for SURE who it’s FROM!  Even if they’re trying to fake the “from” address!!!  Also, if you start getting spam on any of your on-the-fly-created e-mail addresses, you’ll know for sure who’s responsible for letting it slip into the hands of spammers.  You can then do two things:

  1. Inform the person (or company) that they let your address slip into the hands of spammers.
  2. Create a filter in your GMail settings to automatically delete any e-mail sent to that on-the-fly address to stop it in its tracks.  If you want to continue receiving e-mail from the original party, you can give them a NEW address.  This may require you logging onto their web site and changing your e-mail address, or if it’s a friend, just give them a new one.

Why NOT give out your primary address?

Because, some scammers know about this feature of gmail and will EASILY know what your primary address is and will simply start spamming that, then you’re back at square one.  So, since you don’t give out this address, you KNOW that any e-mail you receive on it is 100% spam.  So, set up a filter in your GMail settings to automatically delete any e-mail sent to the primary address.  (check back here later for instructions on how to do that).

BEWARE OF REPLYING!!!!

If you receive an e-mail message sent to one of your made up addresses and you wish to reply, note that your reply address will be your PRIMARY address… you know, the one that you’ve set up a filter to delete any e-mail sent directly to it?  This is bad because if THEY reply back, they’re now sending it to the WRONG address and your filter automatically deletes it!  You need to configure your GMail to automatically change your reply-to address to the same address that the e-mail was sent to.  This requires a moderate amount of set up for each reply-to address you want to use.  I recommend doing this when you plan on replying, and not before hand for each and every on-the-fly address you’ve created, just to cut down on the amount of work.  (Check back soon for instructions on how to do this).

Now, you’ve got the following advantages:

  1. Your spam will drop to virtually zero (if not, completely zero!).
  2. Regardless of any forging attempts by the sender, you’ll know who’s responsible for leaking your address because of the TO address you received it on.
  3. In the extremely rare event that you actually get spam, you can stop it from that source immediately.
  4. You can identify which of your friends’ computer’s is infected with a spam virus and inform them, which will reduce the spread of the virus, help them clean up their computer, and reduce more spam to other people.

For expert tips on stopping spam, read this article:

If you find these tips helpful, please leave a comment and let me know.  Or, if you have tips of your own, let the rest of us know.

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How to Stop SPAM: Basic Tips

We all hate spam, especially those of us running our own E-Mail servers.  Here are some important tips for you, as a user, to stop that unwanted, unsolicited E-Mail:

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Here’s a real life example of how I used this technique to just busted Box.net for releasing my e-mail address to spammers:

First, some basics:

  1. Don’t ever enter your E-Mail address on any web form, unless you do the following:
    1. Find and READ their privacy policy (and you understand it and have determined that they actually are promising to never send you unsolicited e-mail and promise to never give your address or sell your address to anyone for any reason).  Note that MOST privacy statements do NOT state that they’ll do this.  Many of the privacy statements explicitly state that they WILL give our your E-Mail address.  This is why you HAVE to read it!!!!
    2. Is there a good reason for you to enter your e-mail address on that web site?  What are you gaining by giving your e-mail address to this site?  Is it worth the risk of spam?
    3. Have you ever heard of this site?  Is it reputable?  Do you trust them?  Are you SURE???
    4. If you’re signing up for something you really need, like online access to your bank, your utilities providers, etc…, it’s probably OK.  You should minimize or eliminate handing out your e-mail address on any other sites.
  2. If you participate in social web sites like Google+, Facebook, or MySpace, MAKE SURE you’ve set all of your privacy settings so that all your information is NOT available for ANYONE, except your direct friends.  DO NOT make your information available to friends of friends, and CERTAINLY not available to the general public.
  3. If you ever post a message in an online forum:
    1. DO NOT put your real e-mail address on there.
    2. If the online forum requires a registration first and requires your real e-mail address, consider NOT signing up.
  4. Never post your e-mail address on anything that’s publicly available on the internet, like job postings, resume posting, personal web sites, local web sites like churches, scouts, schools, etc…  Just because those sites are intended for local consumption doesn’t mean that the whole world can’t see it, and trust me, they DO!  Spammers have automated programs that scan EVERY PAGE of EVERY WEB SITE harvesting e-mail addresses.
  5. Ask your friends and family to NOT forward your e-mail to anyone else (like jokes and viral e-mail).  When they forward it, your e-mail address goes out to them all.  Most of these viral messages get forwarded to hundreds, if not thousands of people before your address is finally removed (if ever).  ANY of these people that have a virus that scans for e-mail addresses in their incoming and outgoing e-mail WILL harvest YOUR e-mail address.  Probably about 1/2 of all computers “out there” are infected.
  6. NEVER enter your e-mail address on an eGreeting card site.  Just DON’T use these sites… EVER!
  7. Ask your friends and family to never enter your e-mail address on any of these sites.
  8. Ask your friends and family to NEVER enter your e-mail address on ANY WEB SITE FOR ANY REASON!!!!  They think they’re doing you a favor by letting that web site send you a link to a page, but all they’re doing is adding your address to their spam list.  If they want to refer you to a web page, ask them to e-mail you the link directly from their own e-mail or NOT AT ALL!
  9. Remind your friends and family, AT LEAST once every 6 months about 7 & 8.
  10. If you leave a comment on a news story or a product review, make sure your e-mail address isn’t published with it.
  11. Don’t display images in e-mail.  Most mail programs (including webmail web sites) give you the option of NOT displaying images in e-mail where the image isn’t actually included in the e-mail, but is instead loaded from a website from within the e-mail when you view it.  The main reason companies send you e-mail with web link references to images, instead of embedding the images, is because they use unique image names that identify YOU when your e-mail program downloads them from their server.  Once that happens, they know YOU have just manually opened and viewed the e-mail.  If it’s spam, you’ve just verified to the spammer that your inbox is an active inbox.  Now you’re going to get MORE SPAM!!!!

For even MORE effective tips, check out this article:

For expert tips on stopping spam, read this article:

If you find these tips helpful, please leave a comment and let me know.  Or, if you have tips of your own, let the rest of us know.